I was fortunate enough to go through school without encountering too much bullying directed towards me. Of course there were times in elementary school that brought on hurtful comments from my peers shortly after being diagnosed with myopia (nearsightedness) that put me into some mighty large eye glasses in the mid 90s. Overall, I was very fortunate to have a few good friends, and a brother just a grade ahead of me with a decent amount of popularity that kept me off a bully's radar.
However, my younger brother wasn't quite as lucky. He is three years younger than me which was just enough of a gap to have him go into junior high and high school just as I was exiting. We had a few years together in elementary school and he was very young when the bullying started.
I remember being in 5th or 6th grade and waiting for him towards the back of the school to meet before we got on the bus home. He would have been in 2nd grade at the time. A boy who was my age, and much larger than my baby brother, started picking on him. He push him and pulled him back and forth by his backpack. I immediately walked up to the kid and shoved him away from my brother and started yelling at him. From there my brother and I retreated to the buses all while a teacher was yelling at me...
As my happy-go-lucky brother continued on through school the bullying got worse. He didn't have many friends and if he did they were girls. Most of the boys called him a fag, gay or a homo. He pleaded with my parents to take him out of school, and I don't think they really knew at the time what he was going through.
Shortly after I graduated high school I came across a scene I will never forget. I was enjoying a hometown festival with a friend of mine when I saw my brother amongst a crowd of teenagers. I noticed he was with our neighbor, but two larger boys where pushing him and taunting him. I heard one of them say, "What are you going to do now that a teacher or a principal isn't here to save you?" Obviously, I immediately went into big sister mode, which is similar to mama bear mode, and put myself in between my brother and the bullies.
My brother immediately told me to get out of the way because they didn't care if I was a girl- they would hit me too. I demanded my brother start walking home immediately, and I would handle the situation. The boys continued to make fun of my brother and added me to the mix as well. Once I knew my brother was walking home I told the boys to get out of there and never to speak to my brother again. They continued to taunt so I finally told them if they didn't get moving they'd be the talk of the school because they were about to get their asses kicked by a girl.
Eventually things got so bad my brother had to see a therapist since thoughts of suicide continued to enter his mind. My fearful parents took him out of public school and enrolled him in a local charter school. He didn't graduate bully free, but things started to get better.
When I hear about young kids taking their life due to bullying I can't help to think of my brother. What if he would have been one of those kids? The thought still scares me beyond belief today.
I am sure most of you have heard about The Bully Project. The movie opened in select theaters last Friday, March 30th. The Motion Picture Association of America gave the film an R rating. They asked the film creators to edit it due to the "language" in the movie. An R rating meant schools would not be able to show the film and many kids would be prevented from seeing it.
A young girl named Katy Butler, who is also a victim of bullying, started a petition on change.org. The rating issue gained national attention, and she was even on the Ellen Show. This young girl was able to make a huge impact, and brought a tremendous amount awareness to the issue and the film. The MPAA didn't drop the rating so the film makers chose to release the movie without a rating.
Although my post is long, I do believe people support issues they feel connected too. If they don't have a personal connection they may develop one through another person's story. As we continue on with our projects were are sharing and telling stories hoping we gain support for something we believe in. That is why I shared mine.
thanks for sharing your story, it makes bullying less abstract and distant! i think this is an issue that affects all of us in this great nation--i'm sure this is not solely an american problem, but i cannot speak for the rest of the world.
ReplyDeletethere are two points here that i think are most relevant: bullying as part of our culture, from childhood to the workplace and in our politics; and two, why the mpaa would be so adamantly opposed to granting a PG-13 rating.
as for the second point, what bugged me was how they can declare the entire james bond series as well as the "fast and furious" franchise safe for teens but a film about a social disease that impacts them the hardest is not, entirely due to a couple of swear words. seriously? well, fuck you, you fucking fuck. (now this comment is R rated, too.) i signed the petition but i'm not surprised they didn't budge as the mpaa has always seemed mired in self-righteousness.
the first issue is the most serious, as we're opening discussing it and seem to be making headway in dismantling the culture that allows bullying to happen in our schools. i was picked on, too, when i was a skinny dweeb through jr high and high school. i'm sure there was trickle down insensitivity, as well, although i don't recall being a particularly mean teenager. without a doubt this affects a person's confidence and self-image, which come into play as we try to figure out where we stand as adults. let's hope this conversation reaches critical mass and overturns our instinct of fear and spitefulness; it makes us small and prevents us from being the amazing people we naturally are.
You are absolute right Judd. Unfortunately, human nature dictates, in order for our eyes to be opened, we must suffer an individual, or collective, catastrophic loss in order for our eyes to be opened to these actions. Again, it circles back to Mainwaring's point about needing a catalyst. I don't necessarily agree with everything Mainwaring says, but I'll give him that much. Sadly, bullying has so many more platforms to manifest itself with social media. So I think it's only right that social media bring bullying into the forefront, where it belongs, so that all of us can reflect on how our actions affect everyone around us. Only then, can we begin to have empathy for one another. The downside is if we become more empathetic we will no longer spend money on the James Bond, or the Fast and Furious franchise because these films lack necessary social commentary. Wouldn't that be cool? Dakota 38 would finally be revealed to a much wider audience so the reconciliation could, at last, begin.
ReplyDeleteThanks Elizabeth for sharing this story. Believe it or not, my reddish hair made me a target back when I was a kid. But at that time things were not like they seem to be now. I'm glad your parents moved your brother, and I also wonder what his thoughts are when he thinks back on it - how did he cope and what does he know now in retrospect about what happened?
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